Grandma's voice

So I only ever got to meet one of my grandparents....Beatrice Collins. She was something special! She was soft spoken and sweet. She could also say the alphabet backwards faster than she could forwards (something I have passed on to my kiddos in her honor).  She was diagnosed with stage 3 Alzheimer's disease when I was 13. I think a small part of me died. But she was strong...and hung on over 12 years past that diagnosis. She was able to hold in her arms 2 of my 3 children. For that I feel blessed. I can clearly remember the last time she was able to form the words "I love you too" on her lips and I cried. I still do.
 My photography professor Mr. Gilmore (thank you) always pushed us as students for more....dig deeper, feel stronger, put your heart into your work. And one day...after  A LOT of hesitation (like 3 semesters worth) I caved. She had only passed a few months before this photo was taken and it is as close to my heart being exposed as it ever will be. The story goes like this.....

It was a slightly rainy day with my two boys. Dylan age 3 and Luke 5 months. I decided while I was in  my hometown I would visit my recently deceased grandmothers grave. I pulled up, got out and heard a little voice say... "Mommy, can I come with you?" Now....I DIDN'T want him to. He was too young. Too much to explain, too much to take in. But he insisted. So, I caved. As we walked up towards the grave a few feet away the questions began to spill. "What is this place? Why did these people die? Where do they go? Can you see heaven? Can your grandma hear me?"  After trying to gently explain what I could in 3 year old terms I ended with  "Well Dylan, you can't really see my grandma...she is in heaven. And even though you can't see her...she can see you. She will always look after you and love you. And she can hear you...especially when you pray...and maybe....maybe...if you listen hard enough...you will be able to hear her sometimes."
 I gave him a hug and stood up, snapped a few photos of the newly placed headstone and walked back towards the car. I went to grab Dylan's hand and noticed he wasn't beside me. When I turned around to find him what I saw...was this...

"Dill...what are you doing? The ground is wet!!"
"I'm trying to listen for grandma mommy..."

And there it is....my heart....on film...processed in the dark room. Thank you Professor Gilmore for the courage to expose myself.......and Grandma....
this is for you!